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Kate Battistelli

Author | Speaker | Mentor

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Motherhood: The After Party, for When Your Nest is Empty

The invitation arrives when you least expect it, neatly folded like fresh towels warm from the dryer and it wraps, unexpectedly, around your heart. The invitation reads something like this:

Dear Mom: 

You are cordially invited to a party. An After Party.

Your children are growing up. They’re heading out of the nest and all those years of love and sacrifice, cooking and cleaning, disciplining and discipling–are coming to an unceremonious end.

This is your invitation to Act 2:

To Motherhood: The After Party.

Because ‘mom’ isn’t your only name.

  • Date and Time: After your children leave the nest.
  • Place: Wherever dreams can go.
  • Dress Code: Come as you are.
  • RSVP: Attendance is mandatory.

When I got my invitation, the mom of an only daughter, it hit me like a ton of bricks.

Kate and daughter Francesca

So this is what an empty nest looks like.

Thoughts and questions swirled in my head. “Is this it? Seriously? They just pack up and go and that’s supposed to be okay? What am I supposed to do now? I poured out every ounce of myself for years on end and this is what I get? A silent house? Nothing to do? No purpose, no point….no noise??”

I felt like I’d hit a brick wall or a dead end. I didn’t plan for this. 

Let’s be honest for a minute, mama. How on earth can you plan for the future when mothering takes every ounce of everything you’ve got every. single. day. It’s hard enough planning meals, doing laundry, coming up with activities for vacations or managing homeschool lessons to even think about a time when they won’t be around to plan for. It’s difficult when you’re in the trenches, imagining a time when the nest is empty and your last child gone.

Guess I should’ve thought about it more but you can’t fully prepare for this kind of life change. It rushes headlong and overwhelms you completely, like menopause or childbirth.

I’m not gonna lie mama. An empty nest is hard.

At least it was for me. Maybe that’s the hardest part of having an only child. No back-up siblings to keep you busy and lessen the feelings of loss. Oh how I longed for a load of laundry to fold or a teenage crisis to avert! When my girl left the nest, hot tears flowed for weeks but daily phone calls with her proved she still needed me.

Who knew I’d have so much time on my hands? I’d been a stay-at-home mom but now, each day was completely my own with oodles of time and freedom to do whatever I wanted. My husband, who most of our marriage worked from home was working out of the home during this season, so I was alone a lot. Trust me, shopping is not all it’s cracked up to be. I know this sounds like heresy but after awhile, even Target and TJ Maxx lose their appeal.

I tend to wallow in self-pity or what my sweet husband refers to as “my favorite bad feeling.” He’s right but I wallowed anyway. And I wallowed until I knew I had to leave my pity-party and do something, anything. 

So, I started volunteering at a single mom’s ministry a couple days a week. And I started a food blog called The Kitchen Princess, so my daughter would have all our favorite family recipes in one place since she loves to cook too. I wanted her to have easy access to our homemade chicken soup or chili or carrot cake recipes, whenever she needed them.

I’m convinced starting a food blog was God’s sneaky way of getting me to write. I always knew I could write but it wasn’t God’s time yet. However, a few years later after Franny got married, God actually dared me to write a book. So I did. And my second book, The God Dare, released this June. Go Figure!

By this time, I realized I’d been at the After Party for awhile.

What they don’t tell you about the early part of the empty nest years is this:

  • It’s hard.
  • It’s quiet.
  • It’s lonely. 
  • It’s time to find out who you are. Time to dust off the dreams and visions you buried in order to bring your children’s dreams to pass. Time to dust those babies off and plunge in.
  • It’s a beginning.
  • It’s Act II.

I’ve learned a lot in the years I’ve been an empty nester and I want to give you ten tips to make sure you’re prepared for: Motherhood: The After Party.

  1. Pray. Now, before the kids are gone. Ask God what He wants you to do when you have time on your hands. “Mother” is just one of your names, it’s not your only name.
  2. Work on your marriage. You two likely picked each other before there were children. You were called as a wife first, second as a mom. Model a healthy, romantic marriage to your children. Go on dates. Make your husband important in your life because he’ll still be there when the kiddos and the Legos and the mess are long gone.
  3. Dream. You have gifts and talents, abilities you might’ve buried over the years. It’s time to begin thinking along these lines: what if? What if you wrote that book? Became a triathlete? Started a business? Went back to school? Began the ministry? You are only limited by your imagination.
  4. Practice. What can you be doing now to prepare for then? You might feel called to write and know there’s a book in you but this isn’t the right time. (There is a perfect season I promise. God is all about timing.) Write what you can. Keep a journal. Write a bit everyday. Work on your skills, take a class if it’s in the budget. Do something to prepare for your future.
  5. Trust. Know the Lord has a plan for you beyond children and parenting because of this: God is always in our future. He’s lining everything up for when the time is right.
  6. Learn. Maybe you’ve always wanted to learn a language or a skill or craft. If it’s possible, start now so when the time comes, you’re a little bit ahead of the game.
  7. Volunteer. Volunteering takes me out of myself and puts my focus on others. If your kids are old enough, let them volunteer with you. It’s deeply rewarding and I promise, countless organizations would be grateful for your help.
  8. Take care of your health. It’s never too early to start exercising, eating well, maintaining a healthy weight and modeling a healthy lifestyle to your children. God wasn’t kidding when He said our body is a temple which means we don’t get to bring any old thing into it. Stay as healthy as you can so you’re able to go to the After Party for this primary reason:
  9. Grand children! This is your reward mama! You raised their parents so now, if it’s part of His plan for you, you get to have the joy unspeakable of being a grandmother. It’s the world’s best payback ever!
  10. Find a mentor. I know it’s hard for younger women to find older women willing to mentor them. Sadly, it’s a neglected area in the church and I talk to many young women who have no one mentoring them. Women in my generation have dropped the ball and I can’t for the life of me figure out why. Either they don’t want to bother or don’t believe they have anything to offer, which is unbiblical at best:

“Older women likewise are to be reverent in behavior, not slanderers or slaves to much wine. They are to teach what is good, and so train the young women to love their husbands and children, to be self-controlled, pure, working at home, kind, and submissive to their own husbands, that the word of God may not be reviled.” Titus 2:3-5

Kate's family
Grandchildren! Best reward ever!!

 

Here’s a special secret about Motherhood: The After Party: It gets better with each passing year! It’s nothing to dread but it’s something you do want to prepare for. For many of us, it’s the time God will dare us to more than we ever believed possible. If you’d told me ten years ago I would be a published author and writer with two books out, a speaker, mentor, and recipe developer with my own website, I would have said you’re crazy. But God has a great sense of humor, don’t you think?

To all you moms with young children, I know it’s hard to imagine them ever leaving home. But I’m here to tell you, there will come a day when life is more than potty-training, carpools, and laundry. You really will have an opportunity to dream. In the meantime, enjoy this season even when it feels like it will never change. I promise you mama, it will. The days are long but the years are short.

Begin now to prepare for the after party because if we’re doing it right, we’re raising them to let them go. We’re raising them to leave the nest. We’re training them to live on their own, cheering them on from the sidelines when they go. And that’s the hardest part…

…because they do go. Because mothering is a journey of letting go. 

A holy release made possible only by holding on to the One that matters most….

Trust me, mama, the after party is good. You don’t want to miss it!

If you’re experiencing the After Party for the first time, let me know how I can pray for you.

Hugs!

xoxo

 

Category: Christian Living, Empty Nest, Faith, Family, Motherhood, Raising an Only Child, The God DareTag: 10, 10 tips for an empty nest, 6 things they don't tell about an empty nest, Christian mothering, empty nest, empty nest syndrome, Kate Battistelli, motherhood, Motherhood The After Party, mothering, raising an only child, The God Dare, trusting God

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Comments

  1. Stephanie Adams

    September 6, 2019 at 12:21 am

    I am right in the middle of this empty nest time. My oldest son got married two years ago and my youngest son just moved out July 1st. They both live close by but we don’t see that often…work and girlfriend. My husband has been a children’s pastor for the past 30 years and recently felt God calling him to be a Senior Pastor so we will most likely be moving. He resigned his position as the international children’s pastor of Saddleback Church this past April. I started teaching preschool when my youngest started college and LOVED it! Because we thought we would be at another church/area by now I had told my director that I would not be returning this year. It’s hard seeing all the teachers getting their classrooms ready and the first days of school. I felt as though I had finally found something for ME. My husband and I have lived away from family since we were married so I had always hoped to live close to my children but it looks like God has a different plan. Please pray we know where He is leading soon and that I will make the adjustment. I miss being a mom with kids at home.

    • Kate

      September 7, 2019 at 9:21 pm

      Stephanie, I can only imagine how difficult this time is for you. If God has a different plan, I’m praying it will be a good plan for you and that as the years go by you’ll get His perspective and understand the “why”. Wherever He’s leading you, eventually it will make sense even if it’s hard for a season. I’m praying He will make your path clear very soon and that you will adjust quickly and well. The one thing I’ve learned is this: When it doesn’t seem to make sense, you can guarantee God is up to something! Praying He surprises you in a beautiful and unexpected way! Blessings 🙂

  2. Gerry Blumberg

    September 6, 2019 at 3:57 pm

    I am right there with you. I did not plan at all and when we dropped my daughter off at college, I just sobbed. I felt empty. She was such a part of my every day activities and now she was gone. That was 25 years ago and it feels like it was yesterday. I got busy with volunteer activities and created a whole new life. One role was Mentor Mom for MOPS and I loved it. I always told them to plan ahead for the day their child leaves. Thanks for the encouragement.

    • Kate

      September 7, 2019 at 9:22 pm

      I love that, Gerry! Good for you for getting out there and making a difference. So many young moms need older women to mentor them, I’m glad you stepped up and answered the call! Bless you 🙂

  3. Bobbie

    September 7, 2019 at 12:28 pm

    This is absolutely amazing! Dropped my baby 11 hours from home a week ago, and so far, so good here. But reading your words confirms what I already know to be true, it will be hard, but it will also be good! Thank you! ❤️

    • Kate

      September 7, 2019 at 9:24 pm

      Bobbie, I promise you, it will be good! God has more for you than you can imagine. I’m praying He makes your next steps clear! Blessings 🙂

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#Repost @joyfullifemagazine ・・・ I think abou #Repost @joyfullifemagazine ・・・
I think about heaven a lot. I can sense a hint of the banquet, hear an echo of the orchestra tuning up. I can almost smell the bread baking, hear the hustle and bustle of those setting the table getting all things ready.⁠⠀
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When I go outside, I feel the ache in nature, desperate to give voice to centuries of silence. I catch a glimpse of eternity in a perfect flower or a shooting star.⁠⠀
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But I don't want to spoil my appetite. I prefer to wait with eager anticipation because even though I don't fully know what I'm waiting for, I do know this: I was made for a specific, incredible, perfect place and I know Who's I am. I know a day is soon coming when I'll look up and see the sight my heart ever longs for, the sight I was made for—my King, coming on clouds of Glory, to take me up with Him where there is no more crying, no fear, no sorrow, no sin, no disease.⁠⠀
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We are all in a season of dying. We've had to die to our routines and expectations, our way of life that seemed normal and good just weeks ago. ⁠But in seasons of death, we can look for resurrection. Life is hard and confusing at the moment but it's still good. Death is hard but resurrection is always worth it. And resurrection is coming. New life, new ways of living are coming.⁠⠀
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"Behold, I am doing a new thing; now it springs forth, do you not perceive it? I will make a way in the wilderness and rivers in the desert" (Isaiah 43:19, ESV)⁠.⁠⠀
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He always makes a way, friend. It might not look the way you thought it would, but you can trust He has you. Now's the time to press in, lean into His heart, ask Him what He would have you do or say or learn during this time when so much makes so little sense. If you ask and quiet the noise of your heart, He will answer. ⁠⠀
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When Mary went to the tomb early that morning, she didn't recognize the resurrected Christ. She looked but didn't see...until He said her name. As soon as He said, "Mary," she knew.⁠⠀
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In seasons of dying, something will resurrect, I promise. ⁠⠀
Tag a friend who needs to be encouraged by this today! ❤️. #writersofig #authorsofig #calledcreatives #hopewriters #hopewriterlife #amwriting #resurrection
These are crazy, trying times we’re living in an These are crazy, trying times we’re living in and we could all use a little encouragement, right?? I’m excited to be part of the Brave Moms conference starting today 5/7-5/9. It’s completely free and each day there are new sessions that will give you Peace in the Middle 💕. Get all the info over at @bravemoms  I hope you’ll join us, I know you’ll be blessed!💕. #bravemoms #motherhoodinspired #peaceinthemiddle #mothering #honestlymothering #christianmoms #mothersofig #bravemom #momssupportingmoms #speakingtruth
This is on Facebook, y’all. I don’t know how t This is on Facebook, y’all. I don’t know how they picked me and my book but I’m beyond thrilled they did!!. Tomorrow at 2pm Central I will be on the @booksamillion Facebook page for their Pray in May series answering questions as the video I made about THE GOD DARE plays. The page has over 350,000 likes so it’s a little intimidating but exciting for sure😊

The series began on Sunday with the incredible @sheilawalsh1 and now it’s my turn. I’m believing folks will be inspired and blessed by my story and motivated to step out and take God at His Word. To once and for all let go of fear and doubt and step with Him into the glorious future. To choose to be chosen to change the world!. This is the perfect season to dig deep with God and hear His heart for what’s next for your life. He is speaking. The Holy Spirit is talking to you, yes YOU. All you need to do is listen and follow. He might ask you to do something that seems impossible but, remember this: the impossible is God’s comfort zone!. I hope you can join me tomorrow!. #prayinmay #booksamillion #thegoddare #faithingod #faithfulness #faithoverfear #hopeingod #choosetobechosen #impossible #seasonofchange
@joyfullifemagazine ・・・ After one baby, I de @joyfullifemagazine ・・・
After one baby, I dealt with infertility, or should I say, infertility dealt with me. 
Everything I knew about God, motherhood, my purpose—all were tarnished by a hard season.⁠⠀
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The pain of a harsh diagnosis pierced my heart like a sword. Depression made a move when I realized the one thing I wanted—a big family—wasn't happening. After four failed adoption attempts, I had no clue what to do.⁠⠀
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The pain and loss grew each day, making me sad, resentful, and filled with self-pity. I had no room for gratitude and couldn't see the point in any of it.⁠ Years went by and the pain remained, with that empty feeling each time a friend announced a pregnancy. As I learned to manage the ache, it felt like telling a nasty dog, "Go sit over there. I'm not petting you," because⁠ whatever you pet sticks around. ⁠⠀
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God let me dangle over a precipice of self-pity until I was ready to do three things:. To read the rest, jump over to @joyfullifemagazine and look for the same picture as this post 😊 Thanks!!. #infertilityawareness #infertilityawareness #infertilityjourney #mothering #honestmothering #pregnancyloss #miscarriage
Super excited to share that the newest issue of @t Super excited to share that the newest issue of @thepodcastmag came out today with a list of their top 50 motherhood podcasts and guess what? @momtomompodcast is number 36!! Of all the zillions of motherhood podcasts out there we are 36 and, they did a beautiful 4 page article on us!. God is so good. I am in awe. We are in the top 50 with names you know and love like @emilypfreeman, @dontmomalone, @drmichellebengtson @mimikacooney @jamieivey and so many more.

We started our podcast a little more than a year ago and we’ve been consistently building & growing and loving the community we’ve begun to see grow around Mom to Mom.

And now this lovely honor. I hope you’ll take a look at @thepodcastmag and download it for free. There’s tons of great content and we are grateful to CEO @steveolsher for featuring us in a great article by @eric_nevins. Thank you!!. #podcastlife #podcastersofinstagram #podcastsofinstagram #christianpodcast #podcasters #podcasting #podcastersunite
New post up at @momtomompodcast!. So much about Go New post up at @momtomompodcast!. So much about God and His Word is still a mystery, even to the greatest theological minds down through the ages. Faith–simple, childlike #faith is what holds the whole thing up. But, do we just stop there?
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In 2 Timothy 2:15, we’re charged to rightly handle the Word of Truth and to study to show ourselves approved unto God. And in 1 Peter 3, we’re told to always be ready to give an account of the hope that we have in Christ.
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Should part of that readiness be Biblical literacy–not just being able to quote Scripture, but being able to use those Scriptures to better know God–His character and attributes–and to better know the doctrines of our faith and how those are to be lived out in our everyday lives? .

Today, we’re joined by @phyliciamasonheimer who is going to help answer that question and hopefully give us some tips for living in the tension of both a simple faith and practical theology.

#christianmom #momtomompodcast #stopcallingmebeautiful #phyliciamasonheimer
#biblicalliteracy #theology #theologymatters #wordoftruth
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