Now hope does not disappoint, because the love of God has been poured out in our hearts by the Holy Spirit who was given to us.
Romans 5:5 (NKJV)
“You’ll never get pregnant again.”
Our hearts broke as my fertility doctor dropped those cold words on me and my husband when our daughter was two and a half, several months after experiencing a devastating miscarriage from an ectopic, or tubal, pregnancy. The fertility treatment I’d tried failed miserably. One fallopian tube was gone because of the miscarriage and the other damaged beyond repair from an abortion at eighteen. With devastated and shattered hearts, it was all I could do not to burst into tears and run screaming out of the building.
Something collapsed inside me that day as our dreams and our future with lots of children and all the wonderful, crazy chaos they would bring imploded. I’m the woman who wanted five children, and God, the good Father who gives good gifts, wasn’t giving me what I wanted. Everything worthwhile seemed to evaporate as the doctor uttered his harsh words: “You can always adopt.”
Except “everything worthwhile” didn’t evaporate. My husband and I simply didn’t realize it at the time.
What we didn’t know then is the lesson He’s repeated many times since: God is still writing our story. He had a purpose and a plan for everything we went through, but when you’re in the thick of it, it’s nearly impossible to see where you’re heading.
Perspective doesn’t show up right away. In fact, it can take years before you begin to see clearly, when you can finally see God’s hand…
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Motherhood: The After Party, for When Your Nest is Empty