When was the last time you went through one of those seasons where everything you relied on, everything you thought was true, fell apart?
I’m talking about the big things. The job loss, the miscarriage, the divorce, the serious illness, the tragedies that sucker punch us one way or another and can’t be prayed away. The suffocating thing suddenly dropped in our laps where we can’t see anything good because of the bad. I wrote a whole post dealing with this here: When God Allows What He Could Prevent.
Our ‘blessing machine’ God allows life to come at us with all it’s ugly heartache and ferocious fury. Smacked in the face, our foolish ideas of who God is dissolve in a puddle of tears, crushing doubt and a thousand questions. Every concept of God we think we know gets chewed up and spit out, leaving us broken and questioning everything. While well meaning Christians speak the lie, “God never gives you more than you can handle.”
Yes He does. He does give us more than we can handle for one simple reason: we’re not supposed to handle it alone! If we could handle it what do we need God for? These crushing blows to our lives show us beyond a shadow of a doubt how truly helpless we are.
So, we rage. We cry. We plunge in the river of self-pity.
For me, the turning point came when I realized God wasn’t my personal ouija board, with me pushing Him around and around until He spelled out the future I desired. Years ago when I suffered a painful and life-threatening miscarriage and numerous failed adoption attempts, the hard truth was this: I was only going to have one child. You can read my story here.
“But God, I want a houseful!”
“But I love chaos and big families!”
“But I’m a great mom!”
“If you really loved me, you’d give me the desires of my heart!”
“You aren’t a good father. I would never do this to my child!”
Oh, how ashamed I am now, years later, when His plan and path have become so clear! I was so blind, and blinded by pain, it took me a long time to see the one child I was raising had a world changing destiny. In my pain I forgot one little detail in my walk with the one who counts the hairs on my head, the fearful and wonderful maker of me. I forgot this unescapable truth:
It’s not about me.
In my time of trial and tribulation He taught me three main things, things I’ve treasured and tried to remember as other trials have come.
He has a bigger plan than my happiness.
He is thinking about the next generation.
He wants me to want Him for who He is not what He gives me.
God’s ways of maturing us into His sons and daughters will always come as a surprise. He is raising us to be adults, not babies. He chastens to bring change. He will make me face myself in the midst of my greatest challenge and ask me one simple question:
“Am I enough?”
Like Job, (who really, don’t we all wish wasn’t in the bible because we want nothing to do with the life he experienced), can we honestly say, “Though He slay me, yet will I trust Him”?
There may come a day when your biggest blessing, the thing you trust in more than God, disappears. And only one question will remain: