Just two weeks ago, I was blessed to be a keynote speaker at the wonderful Raising Generations Today conference in Rochester NY. One of the main points in my talk, and my repeated point to the ladies in attendance was this:
Does Jesus get to choose your future, if you’ll marry, how many children you’ll have (or whether you’ll have children) what your family will look like, how your career will go, where you should live, etc? What I was really asking them was this:
Will you let Jesus pick? Does He get to choose your future?
It’s an honor to be entrusted with a platform and an opportunity to speak life and truth to others but I can promise you this,
What you preach you’ll have to live!
My husband Mike and I are letting Jesus pick right now and honestly, we’re not thrilled with His choice. Here’s a little back story so you understand what we’re dealing with.
We’ve been trying to sell our house, on and off, for the last eighteen months. Our daughter Francesca is going to have her third child in March and we’ve been hoping to move closer to help out with our grandchildren more than we’ve been able to living three hours away. Thankfully, we have a home business and Franny is our only child so we are free to relocate wherever we want.
Except, not so much. Our house still hasn’t sold….In a year and a half!
Before I went to speak to the ladies at the conference, we were certain we had a contract on our house. It wasn’t one hundred percent nailed down but it was looking good enough that, as soon as the conference ended, we headed directly to Nashville and spent three solid days house-hunting and making plans to move until…the buyers pulled out at the last moment. To be completely honest with you, it hit us harder than we’d imagined. For now we’re frustrated but at the same time, we have faith in God’s better plan so…
…We are letting Jesus pick.
I’ve been through enough seasons with the Lord to know He can handle my future. He sees what I can’t, He knows what I don’t and my job description is simple: trust Him no matter what it looks like. Over decades He’s taught me a critically important truth:
God isn’t after my happiness but my highest good.
So for now, our house is off the market and we’ve chosen to wait and see where He leads us. We’re letting Jesus pick rather than trying to chase a sale and force a square peg into a round hole. We really do have peace about the situation and we’re doing our best to remain open to whatever future God is designing for us.
Years ago when the Lord made it crystal clear, after miscarriage and many failed adoption attempts, Mike and I were being asked to raise an only child, we decided then and there Jesus knew best. There was nothing easy about it at the time but it turned out exactly the way it was supposed to.
When we meddle and try to pick what we want, making things happen our way, the outcome can be disastrous. Remember what happened to Lot in the book of Genesis?
Lot and Abraham have to choose which land to move to because the land couldn’t sustain them both:
“Now the land was not able to support them, that they might dwell together, for their possessions were so great that they could not dwell together.” Genesis 13:6.
So, Abraham graciously allows Lot to choose first but, instead of inquiring of the Lord, Lot simply chooses the better looking land, the ‘well-watered plain’ as it says in Genesis 13. Lot didn’t realize in picking the pretty land he was picking Sodom, a place destined to destruction by God. He didn’t know when he made his fateful choice he would barely escape with his life, lose his wife and end up fathering two children with his daughters, causing strife between nations still affecting the world today.
Contrast Lot’s fate with Abraham, who, in letting Lot go first and trusting God to pick for him, inherited the promise of the land to him and his seed forever! A promise still standing today!
When we’re not wholly submitted to God it can end up causing all kinds of trouble for us.
How often do we make God over into our own preferred image, a god who does things our way, clearing all obstacles, showering down blessings, giving us great options and letting us pick the one we like the best. Wouldn’t it be nice if it worked that way? As much as we wish it were so, He’s not Santa-Jesus or a Ouija board we can push around until He spells out the future we’d like. He is the sovereign God of the universe and He alone knows exactly what we need.
Here are a few thoughts to help if you too are struggling to let jesus pick:
1- Submit to God even when He’s not giving you exactly what you want. Trust is hard but it’s how we grow in the Lord. Our faith only grows one way, through testing. Gods desire for you is union with Himself which takes time to develop but in the season of suffering, when the clouds of your life are thick and you can’t see the sun, when His voice goes silent and the pain is real, don’t give in. Hold Him ever closer and trust He knows best.
2- Submit your requests in prayer. I’ve absolutely clung to this scripture the past 18 months:
“Be anxious for nothing, but in everything by prayer and supplication, with thanksgiving, let your requests be made known to God; and the peace of God, which surpasses all understanding, will guard your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus.” Philippians 4:6-7
When God says be anxious for nothing He means nothing! When you’re no longer anxious, you’ll find it easier to truly pray with thanksgiving. I pray you will believe me and know God has a good plan for you!
3- Thanksgiving really is critical but it’s hard to get there when you’re not getting what you want so badly. I’ve had to check my attitude many, many times in the last eighteen months! (Waiting can reveal a whole lot of ugly, I promise).
4- Be patient. I love the fact our God operates outside of time meaning, He’s not only in your today, He’s in your tomorrow, in fact, He’s in your future getting circumstances all set up. Hang in there 🙂
5- Don’t force the issue. It really can be challenging to wait on the Lord and His perfect timing but, here’s another scripture I’ve learned to cling to in the waiting seasons:
“But they that wait upon the Lord shall renew their strength; they shall mount up with wings as eagles; they shall run and not be weary; and they shall walk and not faint.” Isaiah 40:3
Oh how I need to ‘walk and not faint’! The good news is, in the waiting is where you’ll find renewed strength as He builds your faith muscles.
6- Often the waiting is a test. At times He takes away what we want, in order to test us, and to help us trust him more authentically. One time Paul was suffering so much he thought he was going to die, but he knew God’s purpose was good and he was learning to rely on Him. God was loving Paul with tough love. So Paul said,
“That suffering was to make us rely not on ourselves but on God who raises the dead”. 2 Corinthians 1:9
7- Know God loves you with an everlasting love! He cares for you, He created you and He truly knows what’s best! Did you realize He’s actually numbered the hairs on your head? Not just counted them, no. Each hair is numbered. Who loves you enough to do that??
8- Sometimes obeying God means not getting what you want. There are seasons when the new job doesn’t come through or the diagnosis isn’t good or the adoption falls through or the pregnancy unexpectedly ends and none of it makes any sense at the time. But, see number 9.
9- Time gives incredible perspective! When my husband and I were only given one child it felt impossible to understand at first because what we wanted was a good and noble thing, or so we thought. It took time to see it from God’s point of view and accept His will with grace.
10- It takes perseverance and courage to wait patiently until God reveals your next step. I have no idea when my house will sell and I don’t like not knowing but I know He knows and you know, that’s all I need to know.
When Mike and I were new Christians and wanting a big family, we didn’t understand how the very dream we clung to, the dream giving our lives purpose and joy, wasn’t God’s dream for us. He required us to lay down the very dream we held so close. Because, and this seems crazy but it’s true, He had something better than we could’ve imagined and all He asked of us was trust. He knew as time went by, His better plan for us would become clear.
Remember, God adores you, He actually does have a plan for you and a future and a hope! But remember too, He isn’t after your happiness but your highest good. Sometimes it means He might pick a future you hadn’t planned on but when you let Him pick, It will turn out for the best. I promise!
How can I pray for you as you let Jesus pick? I’d be honored!
xoxo
And even suffering has an eternal, good purpose: “This light momentary affliction is preparing for us an eternal weight of glory beyond all comparison, as we look not to the things that are seen but to the things that are unseen” 2 Corinthians 4:17–18.
Easy Crispy Chicken Sheet Pan Supper
Thank you for your comments & your submission to God! We all need to let Jesus pick everything for us but we think we know whats best for us,but inside we know he wants the best for us we have to get out of the way & let Him have his way! Have a Blessed day & keep me & Deb in your prayers & we will keep you & Mike in ours! Steve McCollem
Thank you so much Steve! Oh, it’s so hard for me to get out of God’s way and let Him pick but the more I submit, the better it turns out! Praying for you and Deb 🙂 Blessings!
Hi Kate…I think of you so often when I am feeling the depths of despair. You are the only person I know who really understands how much pain I am in by not having any more children. Please continue to pray for me. Some days I feel I cannot bear it anymore. People try to say well meaning things and end up making it worse. Yesterday a girl from church with 6 kids who knows my struggle told me I could borrow some of hers. I pray for God to lift this desire from my heaat but it doesn’t go away. Maybe it never will
Oh Michelle, we share a bond that neither of us have chosen but, because I’m further down the path let me encourage you, it WILL work out for good. I know how hard it is when well meaning friends make comments that they don’t even realize cut right to the core of our pain. Hold tight to Jesus, He knows your pain, I promise you. I’m praying for His comfort and arms to surround you with peace today. The pain and desire ease as the years go by and as your precious girl grows up, you’ll begin to see His reasons why, if in fact you don’t have any more children. You are in the midst of it but He really does work all things together for good. Sending love and big hugs to you today!
Such a good word Kate. I understand waiting on the Lord. As you know I have been waiting on the Lord to move on my behalf for 3 years as you know. But even still He is faithful . This is one of the verses that keep me going.
“Now faith is the substance of things hoped for, and the evidence of things not seen.”
Hebrews 11:1
That’s one of my favorite verses!! I’m praying for you and calling those things that are not as though they are 🙂
Love you Mitzi!
God moved me to L.A. – my dream city by the ocean. Two years later He closed every door there and directed me to move to Las Vegas. I have no desire to live in Vegas but I’m going anyway. I’m angry that I have to go and God has shown me that doubt is my issue. I have lost sight of His promises because so much time has gone by without them coming to pass, doubt has entered in, and my trust in Him has faltered. Your prayers over me are welcome! 🙂 The Spirit that lives inside me is STRONG though, and I just can’t seem to not let God pick where I should go and what I should do. I’ve seen TOO MANY times the good and miraculous things that come out of it. I just need His help to walk through this doubt into a new level of trust. Reading your article today was a step in the right direction. Thank you ❤️
Kelby, I’m so glad to hear it! Trust is so hard especially when He leads us where we DON’T want to go. Look at how He led Joseph–first into slavery, then prison but then after years of humility training, Joseph is lifted to the second highest position in the land and ends up saving his entire family. God has His reasons for not letting us see the future but I promise you, one day you will look back and it will make sense to you why He has led you in the way He has. His ways are far above our ways but they aren’t random or unfeeling. He deeply cares about your life and He wants your whole heart with no room for doubt to enter in. I’m praying He pours His peace over you today, removing every last vestige of care or worry. He has you right where He wants you! Blessings 🙂
Oh, I feel like I could have written this. Our “thing” we want is to be in Paraguay as missionaries. We finished our 18-months of training almost two years ago, and set off expectantly to raise our suppot and be on the field by now. My husband ends up with a detached retina which took nine months of surgries and healing for him to be released. Then a 4.5 month road trip to raise support ending with us being at only 42%. Did we misunderstand God? Why all this waiting? Oh, so many heart issues He needed to deal with in me. I am learning, LEARNING to wait, to be thankful, and to be content with where He has us. Thank you for the encouragement today.
Debby–I know how hard it is to want something that seems so good yet remains just out of reach. So frustrating! But I’ve learned He always, always has a good reason for allowing our circumstances to change and challenge us. Praying for you today as you wait and trust. Blessings!
Thank you Kate. It is a great encouragement to read wisdom from someone farther along the same path… I too only have one precious daughter although I longed for more. God was teaching me to trust him in this, but my heart still longed for more children. Two years ago this month we (by God’s amazing grace!) found ourselves finally expecting another baby – but our hearts broke when we found out at 15 weeks that he had already gone ahead of us to heaven. I just turned 45 and I am trying to live day to day, just trusting God. On the one hand, I still long for another child but on the other hand, I feel like it would be CRAZY if God were to give us another at our ages. I don’t feel like I can shut the door on the possibility though…. I am so very thankful for my sweet 9 year old girl. It’s hard when God’s plans are so different from our own hopes and dreams. Thanks for the reminder to keep trusting that HE IS GOOD, even when we don’t really like what He is doing in the moment.
Oh Jennifer, I’ve been right where you are. We lost a baby when our daughter was 2 ½ and I was never able to get pregnant again. We tried adopting 3 times and 3 times the adoptions fell through. It took me a long time to not be mad at God and to learn to love Him for who He is, not just for what He gives. I’m praying for you and believing He will make His way clear to you whatever the future holds. Also, that as you walk with Him, you will remember He feels every bit of pain you feel and really and truly cares. He IS good no matter what life may look like. Bless you friend!
I think I needed to read this more than I know. Thank you for sharing it, and thank you for living it. You remind me that both are equally important. God bless.
You’re more than welcome Darren. Thanks for stopping by!
Oh Kate! I love this … the past year has been full of disappointments for our little family. And yet, we choose to believe God’s love for us is bigger than any circumstance we face and His plan for us is far better than any we could devise for ourselves.
It is hard to walk in faith during the seasons of disappointment … thank you for being so real about your own journey and the lessons God has taught you. What an encouragement to all of us!!
Love you, my friend!
TL
It seems disappointment is one of God’s favorite teaching tools for me, at least it is when I let it do it’s deep work. He continually reminds me of Romans 8:28,”And we know that all things work together for good to them that love God, to them who are the called according to his purpose.” The hard part is remembering He really does care about all the details in our lives and it will work together for good in the future. Thanks for stopping by today…Miss you so! 🙂
Kate,
For reference sake: I sat next to you and Mike at the RGT conference breakfast, and you handed me a copy of your book (thank you, again!).
I have prayed for you on and off since then, and wondered what the Lord has been doing in regards to your house sale and anticipated move. I am thankful for this update and am glad to know how to pray more specifically for you and your family.
I was particularly encouraged by the things you shared that Saturday morning at the conference, as I was in a very uncertain and fearful place of having been told, the day before the conference, that something had shown up on an MRI of my brain.
These past weeks have been a journey of tests and appointments, with few questions yet answered.
Thank you for clinging to the Lord in trials and faithfully sharing who He is. Worthy of our trust!
May the Lord continue to hold your heart on this journey of waiting and trusting,
Lisa Passero
Lisa! I’m so glad you commented today and I remember you well! Thank you so much for your prayers for us, we need them. I will be praying for you too, for perfect health ultimately and for strength wherever your journey leads you. He is a good God, a friend and a father and even when we don’t understand why He allows challenges in our lives, we can trust Him to get us through. Bless you friend 🙂
This was a good post. It held the attention of this ADHD brain of mine. I am a 60-year-old single lady, and it has always been a dream of mine to be married and have children. But for whatever reason God did not bring that about. It is getting easier to accept His choices, but I still think about it. Marriage may yet come to pass. Who knows? God knows. I just need to continue to commit it to prayer and wait upon Him and joyfully accept what He brings across my path. Thank you for your post.
You are so welcome Candy! You have an amazing attitude, evidence God has done deep work in your life. I’m certain there are some questions we won’t have answered until we get to the other side. And by then, when we are in the presence of the King we likely won’t care much anymore! I pray our gracious Lord will give you the desires of your heart and deep knowledge of His goodness and grace. Thank you so much for stopping by today!
You must have an inside look into my life. What a mess, huh? Major issue facing my wife and I now and we are waiting. But I don’t think we were waiting on God’s direction but the next move from the other side of the playing field. Your perspective has brought tears to my eyes but already absence of greater peace. Kate you were just what I needed today. Thanks!
Thank you for letting me know Clark! It’s all about having the right perspective isn’t it? 🙂 Praying He gives you and your wife peace in the waiting. Blessings!
I can so identify. Thank you for writing this. I think one of the hardest parts is when your goal or dream seems so God-ordained! I think, “How can this NOT be God’s plan?!” And yet, my thinking is so limited in comparison. I needed to read this today. Again, thank you.
You’re so right Mary. How can something so good–like wanting to move closer to family or having a baby or any number of things–be out of God’s will? Yet He continuously reminds me good is the enemy of the best. It was the tree of the knowledge of good and evil, not just evil, that caused all the problems! Bless you today and thank you for stopping by!
Thank you for your post and for the offer to pray! Our family is experiencing the blessing of having Jesus pick for us as He has brought us on an incredible journey to Israel. It has been amazing and although it may sound glamorous, it is HARD! BUT GOD. In His Fauthfulness continues to be with us and lead us. We are at a crucial point in making decisions to stay or return to the U.S. Please pray for discernment as we seek His desire for our next steps, and not our own. Thank you and God bless!!
I will pray Becky!! In all honesty, I envy you being able to live in Israel–it’s been a desire of my heart to go there someday! I pray He will speak to you clearly and make His will plain to you and your family. Whatever He picks for you, know it will be the best choice. Blessings to you!
I saw your post through my Facebook news feed and I’m glad I read it! We did sell our house recently (in only two weeks on the market, so we think God is moving us!) but are struggling to find the new place He wants for us. Decision-making is such adult stuff. 🙂 Prayers for wisdom, attention to the Holy Spirit’s nudging in our spirits, and clear vision as to what God wants for our family in a new home, so that we can carry out His will for us and bring Him glory, are appreciated!
Jen, I’m asking God for wisdom, discernment and clear direction from the Lord as you search for a new home. I believe that if your heart is to follow Him and honor Him in your move, He will open the right door for you to go through. It is adult stuff, you’re right, He is maturing us all into the place of sonship and I’ve learned sonship takes time. Bless you as you step out in Him!
Hi Kate! Wow what a blessing to have run across this blog today and read your post!!! I have been struggling with having an only child for a couple of years now. I am a 9 year breast cancer survivor (age 46—woo hoo!!) and my daughter is now 10. I’ve been struggling with guilt because I feel like maybe she’s lonely and she’ll never know the comfort of having a sibling and wonder if we have taken something away from her being an only. It was a thought after she got a little older but the bc really took that decision away from us. Honestly, I would have liked another one but my husband is an only and he’s quite happy with just the 3 of us. Anyway, I just wondered if you had an words on wisdom with an only and any books that might help me with some of my feelings. Thanks so much!!!
Julie
Julie, I’m right there with you! We raised an only and she doesn’t regret it at all, she’s 30 now and about to have her third baby so she’s definitely not following in my footsteps! Although we would have filled the house with children if God had allowed it but He didn’t. He had a clear and specific path for our daughter’s life and she needed our full attention to walk into her calling. Don’t feel guilty, your family is exactly right and whatever path He will call your daughter to, just know her years of being an only are part of the plan for her. God thinks down the generations, way beyond just us. I like to think it’s about me but I’ve learned it’s so not. I wrote all about our journey raising our daughter in my book Growing Great Kids. Here’s the link http://amzn.to/uMJdo0 This book looks really good too: http://amzn.com/0767906292 I hope this helps! Blessings 🙂
This is one of the first things I read this morning. The Lord is speaking so very clearly to me through your words! See today I leave for another away from home work trip. God gave me a new job , that I did not ask for last July. I KNOW it’s God, I know He’s in this and there are a ton of things I do not understand about why He gave me this new job. It makes me travel away from my family 1-2 weeks per months and I have one of the worst bosses in my 2O year career. As I was starting to lament about traveling again I came across your post via a friend and found, once again, the Lord reassuring me He’s got this and sometimes I don’t get to know why. His Job is being God, my job is trust! Thank you!
Oh Molly, I’m so glad my words confirmed God’s will for you! His ways truly are higher than ours but when we trust Him, it will always end up exactly the way He planned for it to end up. Keep trusting Him to lead you. Blessings! 🙂
Wow! I needed this. I am in transition from 25 yrs of homeschooling 6 children to ??? It has been an extremely difficult decade +. Our marriage was just about destroyed by wrong choices, a child rebelling, another child in renal failure, a favorite aunt/sister suddenly dying, career failure for my husband, financial ruin, and I don’t want to bore you with everything. I am so used to racing through life I can’t seem to settle. Please pray that I let Jesus pick. Pick my steps, my rest, my everything. Tired!
Dearest Peggy, I’m praying you will continue to trust the Lord and let Him guide you and lead you. Also, that He will give you sweet rest as you wait on Him. I imagine you are tired especially with six children to raise. But God knows what He’s doing and He picked you out specifically for your children and your children for you. What a blessing! Hang in there and know He has you in the palm of His hand. Blessings!
I believe that Jesus led me to this blog-post today, Kate. I am going to a new school that can help me with my future goals better than homeschooling can, because of my learning disabilities from my premature birth-Born 24 weeks gestation weighing 1 pound, 5 ounces and 12 inches long at birth. I will have to spend 2-3 years at my new school. Which means I won’t get out of college until I’m in my late 20s or early 30s. I am 19, but I know other 18 or 19-year-olds who started college back in the fall, and because of my birth I have always been so far behind. Please pray that Jesus will move mountains so I can go to my new school (http://morrisonschool.org) that will help me so much in life, and I am honestly so scared of the un-known.
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I will pray for you my friend. Even if it takes a few years, I’m thrilled you’re pursuing your goals, even tho it will take longer than you’d like. But anything worth having is worth waiting for! Blessings!